Uh . . .
Umm . . .
Okay, just getting it together here . . .
Soon . . . *microphone feedback*
Uhh . . .
My name is Nicholas and I'm a germophobe.
See? I said it! *dancing up and down*
I admit it. I push elevator buttons with my sleeve or my key. I love winter because I can wear gloves. I can't use public latrines for anything other than, well, "the small one". I have to use the paper towel that I dry my hands with to open the bathroom door, if there is one (I'm always grateful when there isn't!)
I'm afraid that it's terminal. I will never change. What set it all off was an article by Chuck Gerba back in the mid 90s. I got so creeped out that now I've developed this fucking fetish. I know I'm not the only one.
The first thing I do when I come home is wash my hands. No, not OCD-wise -- just a quick rinse. But it enables me to get on with my day.
My house is "safe". No germs here. But everywhere else is literally showered with bacteria and viruses. Hey, in my house, at least it's MY germs, right? They're mine and I loves them.
I'm obsessive about the kitchen. It must be 110% sanctified. Brigitte moans about my paper towel usage, but my mind says "Paper towel good - dishrag, BAD. GERMS."
Hey, I have a right! (see? this is the usual denial excuse in patterns of obsessive behavior, be it hoarding, avoiding public transport or collecting Garbage Pail Kids cards!)
But guess what . . . when my son, a walking Petri dish, is not here, I haven't had a sick day in my life!
How crazy is that, folks?
Okay, come on, come on, drape me with your own stories. We're all psychiatrists here.
LOL! I think perhaps we were separated at birth!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't you effen wish people would learn how to sneeze??!!
AHA! I knew there was someone was out there who shared my affliction! Or maybe let's rephrase that -- my intelligent self-protection!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are groups for us, but I'm happy being a Gang Of One!
Hey, it seems recently hospitals had actual brain transplants and put in hand sterilizer stations, but until then, THEY were walking Petri dishes!
I go into a hospital, I touch NOTHING if I can help it. Not even the magazine in the waiting room.
I bring my own! Non-contaminated, Jim (beam me up anyway).
I can't say I'm germ-phobic, but I do think I'll be getting swine flu before you do!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I don't touch anything ANYWHERE that I don't have to. Grocery carts are the worst. I sterilize my hands after I get home (and then whipe off the steering wheel of the car!).
ReplyDeleteI'd be arrested for sure in Mtl. I NEVER hold the handrail of escalaters! ;)
Ai yai yai yai yai. Grocery carts are the worst. I push them INSIDE the handle, if that gives you any indication. You know, the metal inner part. I always pick the ones OUTSIDE the store, with the reasoning that the viruses have been wiped clean by cold/wind.
ReplyDeleteEscalators . . . never touch 'em unless I have gloves on. I rest on them with my elbow!
But the key with me is, once contaminated, never touch your face! Just don't DO IT! Resist the urge to pick! Wait till you can find a bathroom!
The worst is airplanes, because you just can't get away from them and the bathroom is contaminated, so where are you going to go?
I rest my case (in mine you could call it a Nutcase.)