I don't know what my dad saw, if anything, in his last moments. I talked to him on the phone from Montreal, but although my sister said he seemed to perk up a bit, he said nothing. It was the last breathing conversation with my father. You will have this experience, or maybe you've already had it.
Where did he go, or where did he think he'd go? Well, I'll tell you about the latter: Dad harboured no illusions. He knew that when his last heartbeat occurred, he would expire in a wink, never to think, never to harp with angels, never to become part of Gaia or any beckoning bright light. Just to wink out with every memory he had completely erased, like turning a computer off and throwing it away.
Do you think it keeps its memory? Well, maybe it does but you can't resurrect a human memory.
I don't know how I'll face it but at least I'll know twenty dancing virgins or St. Fuckin' Peter aren't at the end of the road.
(Sorry to be cynical).
Who knows what'll happen, eh? My lapsed Catholic dad saw his long-dead mother in his hospital room the day he died, and that gave him some comfort. He figured something went on after death but he didn't know what. I guess none of us will know for sure until the time comes!
ReplyDeleteAs for my mother, she managed to die on the exact same day as my Dad, five years later, and I'm sure it was no coincidence, knowing my her.
Btw, I left you a comment on my blog, about your comment. No need to worry! :)
Natalie
Natalie,
ReplyDeleteReally, thanks for the comment. I had been dreading that day for many, many years. Literally living in horrific fear, because he was the glue that held The Family together. Now that the fabric has deteriorated, so to speak, I'm now living with a new fear -- when my mother will go.
She's fine, mentally and physically, in her 80s, but I just wonder how it's going to come crashing down like the other half of the tower of cards when she goes.
I can't imagine your losses. Brigitte lost her father, who doted on her, at age 23! That's obscene!
Anyway, soon the years will take on their patinas like the old serial films and it will all be a distant memory.
I wish that was now, but what are you going to do.
I have my son and my soon-to-be wife, so maybe I should get off the complaining ladder.
Again, thank you for the kind comment. Maybe I can resume my regularly-scheduled mayhemic program very soon.
All the best
Nick