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| "I apologize to each six million Jew. I cut you a bad break. But frankly, the latkes and ze smoked meat was pumping up my waistline. And I was becoming unattractive to Blondi, my Alsatian dog. Can you imagine being rejected by him every night because of the Juden galettes? Ze horror. Blondi rejecting my advances because off der Juden" |
Can you actually imagine doing that? "Ahh, guten tag, der Velt, ich bin Deutschlander."
The simple psychological toll would be huge. It would be almost as huge as waking up and saying "J'habites en France! Oueh, j'suis Français!" And hearing the da-da-da-da-DAAAA DAA DAA DAAA da-da of that humourous national anthem and the summoning of the image of that prancing monkey, Charles de Gaulle.
I mean, "Deutschland, Deutschland über Alles" has kind of a swing to it but not that horrific French crap. Someone was drinking entirely too much poor pastis.
(And who the fuck gave birth to Jacques Brel? He should have had orders to be shot on sight).
But being German -- unimaginable. Judenrein! The Thousand-year-REICH!
No, I enjoy every day i wake up as a new Canadian. I wake up, see the sun, and say "Jesus Fucking Christ I'm glad I'm not German."
Try it. It's a soothing mantra that can calm you down in bad periods. "I'm glad I'm not German." Repeat it often! Here's how, to start and you don't even have to say it in German for it to work!But you can practice your non-German at the same time!
"I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander.""I'm glad I'm not German.""Ich bin nicht Deutschlander."
See? feeling better already!
OMG remove that picture!
ReplyDeleteI know. It's so offensive. But that bastard really lived and he deserves to be up there so that you can gaze at him AND HATE HIM for the insane maniac he was.
ReplyDeleteIf I could just go back in time . . . there would be no need to remind people of creatures like him.
You need to look at him because you need to see the face of horror.
Much as you recoil you need to recognize the face of true EVIL.
Good points made...
ReplyDeleteThis post is absolutely hilarious, Nick. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, actually, I don't have a single thing against Germans. I'm just a drama queen.
ReplyDeleteChrist, I went to school in the 80s and was a star student in German. They're actually the nicest people you could possibly meet.
But I have a perverse need to savage the Nazis and the Japanese militarists, and hey, who else? Uncle Joe Stalin.
What do I have to do all day except to think about perverts, murderers and speakers of foreign languages?
You must forgive me for that small lack of integrity.
Please continue to read. I'll eventually to get to Mao and Pol Pot. That will be fun.
Oh yes, please, I'd like the method for Pol Pot pie!
ReplyDeletePol Pot Pie is excellent. I will invent it!
ReplyDelete