No Future

No iPhone For Moi.

Fuck, if an iPhone is as bad as an iPod Touch, adding on the absurdly high goddamn Rogers monthly fees here in Canada, it ain’t happening around these here parts.

Sorry, Jim, that you just got one (an iPod Touch). I’m sorry I have to chop, slice and dice it. But I have to.

Bill Gates must have had a hand in its creation, because it’s just frustration. Dig: there are no games included with it, as far as I can see. I went on dozens of sites with the keywords “free ipod touch games” on my McBook but hey, I can’t download them onto my McBook and then transfer them because they’re in some bizarre format that my computer doesn’t recognize.

Then I try to download them using the maddeningly tiny screen on the uPod and I get informed that my software isn’t current. Damn. I thought I just updated it the OTHER FUCKING DAY. WHICH I DID.

But just try finding “update uPod software to current version” anywhere on Apple’s site. All this for one cheesy game?

Fuck. I think I’ll just stick to using it as a glorified jukebox, which it does very well, but any dreams of using it as a phone when it can barely function as what it advertises is simply a fantasy.

I reiterate: the future is not here yet. Sorry, Jim. This thing is going straight to my seven-year-old son. That’s who it was designed for.

Must-have Kitchen Gadgets

My laptop battery is almost to zero but I was wondering what you would consider must-have kitchen gadgets. I just bought one I think now is indispensable (and I'll post about it soon) but I'm looking for things that would make things look more restaurant-like, not just something like fancy egg-beaters.

So go to it, my fellow wannabe chefs . . . eBay is waiting impatiently (and so is the new restaurant supply place I found).

On Food And Being Bribed

Blork just posted something about something I’ve been a bit conflicted about for years.

I know the feeling about requests for links blah blah blah. Running montrealfood has really been a glimpse into the almost "black-market" world of "I scratch . . ." in which legitimate (but bribable) people want to get you, in my case someone who has a website about food in Montreal, to somehow further their cause.

A guy from Mess Hall, in NDG, once wrote me an impassioned email about something I'd written about my dinner there -- and it wasn't even in a review! I'd just been mentioning my night with my friends (this is before blogs became what they have and it was on the front page of montrealfood.com). I'd obviously trashed it in passing, not in a detailed way, but he offered to host me for dinner! For free, obviously.

I was so perturbed that I wrote to a fine-dining critic we all know and asked her jokingly what I should do, knowing what I wouldn't.

Of course she agreed. But then the guy somehow found my PayPal address and sent me $100! I actually had to refuse the request.

In the end I never made it to Mess Hall, but I’m sure it’s really good and the guy was just disappointed to find something bad that had written about it.

But I’m not really a real food critic and if favors came up these days, I’d probably say to Hell with it. However, if they officially asked me to review them, I’d pay for it, accept the lavish service, and then maybe write something nice . . . or not.

So, people, invite me to dinner, send me your books, but don’t send me $100 via PayPal . . . because these days I’m just liable to take it and go to L’Express.

iPod Touch

I bought one because I wanted to see what all the hype was about it without the hassle of having to sign up to some phone service for twenty-five years at $100 cents a minute.

But my overall impression is:

Disclaimer: I am a Macintosh diehard and have been on the platform since 1984. I despise Windows and will never make a secret of it.

But this little fucker is a challenge. Usually the Mac OS is very intuitive, but with this thing I found myself having to point and shoot a lot more than I bargained for.

It's a toy. Please don't glorify it as a "mobile interactive device" or anything else resembling that. Sure, you can get on the Web. Sure, you can check email. Sure, you can wipe your ass with a Zig-Zag rolling paper. Get my drift?

To check email or surf the Net you will have to be one desperate individual.

The sound quality, once you go through the Byzantine process of actually getting sound on the box, is, as usual, very, very good (but ditch the Apple headphones pronto and get something like those Sonys I had for a while that broke in three months but only because I listened to them for three months).

Bottom line: My MacBook is going to be my mobile device. It does everything the iPod Touch does except better. And I never have to turn it upside down to see a better picture!

We're almost there, the world of the flying cars and George Jetson, but we're NOT THERE YET.

Tzanet

I was shopping at Costco at Marché Centrale when I noticed a "Restaurant Equipment Supply" store across the way: a modest storefront. Tzanet turned out to be this awesome kitchen supply place . . . (I was on the lookout for one of those prep stations you see on cooking shows or at restaurants . . . except I had no idea what they're called. Storage bins? Prep trays? Ingredient inserts?)

At first I wanted the metal ones, but they had no frame for the containers. Finally I got a plastic one . . . very, very nice. And only around $30! It's meant for a bar but it will sure make my pizza-making life easier.



And being there was like being in a candy store. So many gadgets and accoutrements. Helpful, funny staff. I couldn't get out of there for less than $80 and I was being shooed out the door because it was after five.

Next time I'm going to be arriving just after five in the morning.

An Excellent Dinner

On Thursday night I went to a very popular Westmount bistro (it’s the fly-in-the-soup conundrum: If I mention the name everyone will want one) and chef Jeremy delivered a masterful meal as promised. My dining partner had shouted down my suggestion that I meet with Jeremy beforehand and discuss menu choices. “Let it be a surprise — let him make what he wants to make.”

And I’m glad I did. The evening is a bit of a blur because Chandra at the bar was mixing killer Jasontinis (the usual bartender is Jason and he makes the best martini I’ve ever had; Chandra did a damn good imitation of them) but I was definitely surprised and delighted with what came out of the kitchen.

The first course was incredible. Since there was no menu and no one came out to explain exactly what was what I can only describe what I thought it was: an egg poached or broiled inside a slice of perfectly toasted bread, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled lavishly with black truffles. My shaky photo doesn’t even come close to giving it justice.



Next came a single, huge prawn wrapped in excellent bacon, grilled or broiled (hey, I can do that. And I will.)



And then an amazing, tiny vealburger skewered with a Kalamata olive. Delectable. Why couldn't I have thought of that?







And then the main course . . . Chilean Sea Bass done . . . well, I have no idea how it was done. I don’t as a rule like cooked fish but this was creamy, flaky and not fishy at all.

The dessert was some kind of chocolate, but throughout dinner Marc the waiter was plying us with wines by the glass (“Is this the kind you like? Do you want a bottle of it? No? Wait, I’ll get you another kind to try.”) and it’s all a bit fuzzy.

All in all it came to about $200 but it was the best $200 I’ve ever spent.

Westmount. Bistro. You know where it is. Thanks, Jeremy, Marc, Chandra, Jason (in spirit) and Tom the happy kitchen fixer-upper.

See you again thirty days from now for another round . . .

$200? Or $2,000?

While I was in Bordeaux earlier this year, for a month, I was working on a cookbook. I really wanted it to work. I was shopping around for publishers. I wanted to call it "The Saturday Cookbook", owing to my penchant for going shopping Saturday mornings and cooking all afternoon while watching cooking shows on PBS.

So I bought some cookbooks in Bordeaux and translated some of the more intriguing recipes on to my laptop. I made a couple of them (the Magret de canard au miel was the best meal I have ever made, bar none) and I had a prototype, with maybe a hundred recipes, all designed and laid out in Adobe InDesign, all on my laptop.

Yes, you guessed correctly.

I came back to Montreal and one day was jamming on my guitar to some blues being pumped out from my laptop. The sound was stuttering, for some reason. So I went and did the mature thing: I gave it a thump.

It stopped working. The fellow who replaced the hard drive said he'd done all he could do to get back the data; even frozen the damn thing in the freezer to see if it might shake something loose.

No go.

So I brought it in, finally, to Vital Data to see if Vitaly can bring back my month's worth of cookbook.

But he wasn't encouraging. "The estimate is free but it will cost you a minimum of $200 and a maximum of $2,000 . . ."

I told him to just get me the recipe for the Magret de canard au miel.

All the rest is just gravy.