Saturday, February 13, 2010
Ah Feels Me a Rant a-Comin' On
Sorry. I just can't help it sometimes. Today's rant is Bad Writing.
How many ways can writing be bad? A million. That's why good writers are good; because so many writers are bad. Bad writing can be boring. That's a major crime. Bad writing can be interesting, but badly written. In other words, a fascinating tale poorly told, like someone telling a great joke badly. "Okay, a penguin goes into a bar. Bartender says . . . no wait -- TWO penguins go into a bar."
Bad writing can be just the result of an incomplete grasp of basic grammatical rules, or it can just be an insensitivity to the rhythm of words and sentences, pauses and line breaks. Like someone who learned to play trumpet but has a tin ear.
Bad writing can be affectative, in the Ernest-Hemingway or Stephen-King tightly-mannered prose sense. In their hands, it works, but in most others' it doesn't.
But the worst writing of all is when someone TRIES to sound like a good writer, but fails. Witness this ludicrous attempt at trying to sound erudite, and analyse just why it so badly fails:
But possibly the worst of the worst writing is rambling.
Guilty as charged!
How many ways can writing be bad? A million. That's why good writers are good; because so many writers are bad. Bad writing can be boring. That's a major crime. Bad writing can be interesting, but badly written. In other words, a fascinating tale poorly told, like someone telling a great joke badly. "Okay, a penguin goes into a bar. Bartender says . . . no wait -- TWO penguins go into a bar."
Bad writing can be just the result of an incomplete grasp of basic grammatical rules, or it can just be an insensitivity to the rhythm of words and sentences, pauses and line breaks. Like someone who learned to play trumpet but has a tin ear.
Bad writing can be affectative, in the Ernest-Hemingway or Stephen-King tightly-mannered prose sense. In their hands, it works, but in most others' it doesn't.
But the worst writing of all is when someone TRIES to sound like a good writer, but fails. Witness this ludicrous attempt at trying to sound erudite, and analyse just why it so badly fails:
"Kyoto is embraced with the beauty of Japan’s past. History is preserved in the city’s old buildings, valued temples and scenes of traditional life that still roam the narrow streets. (Can you just picture a scene or a temple roaming the narrow streets? What exactly does a scene look like? Is it tall, or is it short? Does it walk quickly, or does it slink along? Oh wait, no, I get it -- HISTORY is roaming the narrow streets. Him and Temple and Scene, out for a rumble. Watch out, World! The boys are back in town! -ed.)
"Going to Japan we had no wants of trinkets, souvenirs, or other little nick-knacks to bring home. We only desired for the experience of Japan’s modern savvy and its treasured past, and to acquire two things. In Kyoto we would experience a bit of Japan’s past and find the first of our two treasures; a knife crafted in Japan." (Ahh, the denoument of the paragraph. How subtle, how lilting . . . how . . . mangled. -ed.)
This is the product of an American education? Believe it or not, this is not the writing of a sixth-grader, but of a fully-formed adult.
The worst transgression of all, though, is the "typo." This is a euphemism for "I never DID know what an apostrophe or punctuation was all about." Its all about it's isn't it? Like my typo's?
Don't mistake me. Errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation can be corrected -- that's what editors are for. I'm sure Hemingway couldn't spell "Chihuhaua" to save his life (I'm actually surprised I could first time around) -- but if one is not aware of how bad one's writing is, one should just stay away from keyboards.
Don't mistake me. Errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation can be corrected -- that's what editors are for. I'm sure Hemingway couldn't spell "Chihuhaua" to save his life (I'm actually surprised I could first time around) -- but if one is not aware of how bad one's writing is, one should just stay away from keyboards.
But possibly the worst of the worst writing is rambling.
Guilty as charged!
Friday, February 12, 2010
I'm Glad I Didn't Throw it Away
My ancient Foodsaver, that is.
I bought mine in the Pleistocene era -- obviously they're so much better now. But it does its job. I bought an entire filet of beef at Costco today for CDN $45 and it yielded THIRTEEN 1.25-inch steaks. If I bought those at my local butcher I would have paid about $130.
So you cut it yourself. That is the reward! Two inches thick? Go for it. But then you have to preserve the whole thing so you won't be eating steak every day for a month. Enter Foodsaver.
Also, check out my bargain 24 LARGE chicken thighs at only $25.00. Christ, I buy that at Metro, it's $40, easy.
Foodsavered! They'll last at least a year.
I bought mine in the Pleistocene era -- obviously they're so much better now. But it does its job. I bought an entire filet of beef at Costco today for CDN $45 and it yielded THIRTEEN 1.25-inch steaks. If I bought those at my local butcher I would have paid about $130.
So you cut it yourself. That is the reward! Two inches thick? Go for it. But then you have to preserve the whole thing so you won't be eating steak every day for a month. Enter Foodsaver.
Also, check out my bargain 24 LARGE chicken thighs at only $25.00. Christ, I buy that at Metro, it's $40, easy.
Foodsavered! They'll last at least a year.
Bona-Fide Food Photog!
I just received my lightbox! Now I can take truly good pics of my food! Or your food, for that matter!
I was so excited, I grabbed the first food item I could out of the fridge, which happens to be Nick's Ultra Garlic Bread, that I made last night and haven't baked yet. (I'll use the new box to shoot the bread once it's baked and provide the recipe).
Pretty cool, huh? I messed with it in Photoshop and gave it a fake Gourmet Blur (that's what I call that narrow-depth-of-field look that their photographers loved) in Photoshop, but nice! Now I don't have to film my food on the kitchen stove any more.
Now if I can only get Molly the goat to stand still long enough I'll take a picture of her! And all my guitars and GI Joes and, and, and!
And remember Valentine's Day is Sunday!
I was so excited, I grabbed the first food item I could out of the fridge, which happens to be Nick's Ultra Garlic Bread, that I made last night and haven't baked yet. (I'll use the new box to shoot the bread once it's baked and provide the recipe).
Pretty cool, huh? I messed with it in Photoshop and gave it a fake Gourmet Blur (that's what I call that narrow-depth-of-field look that their photographers loved) in Photoshop, but nice! Now I don't have to film my food on the kitchen stove any more.
Here's a pic I took of one of Brigitte's vases. The box has no fill card (something that bounces the light onto the other side of side of the object). Below is with the fill card:
And here is the complete setup:
Now if I can only get Molly the goat to stand still long enough I'll take a picture of her! And all my guitars and GI Joes and, and, and!
And remember Valentine's Day is Sunday!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Sign Me Up, PETA!
Who knew you could buy a Hartebeest rug -- four feet by five feet -- in this day and age,from the plains of Africa, no less, for less than I'd pay for a cowskin rug at my local hardware store?
Or an African lion rug for only $3500 (free shipping!)? I remember when I was a kid in Kenya they had a tiger skin on sale in some shop for the then-impossible (to me at least) price of $200.
Or an African lion rug for only $3500 (free shipping!)? I remember when I was a kid in Kenya they had a tiger skin on sale in some shop for the then-impossible (to me at least) price of $200.
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