Saturday, December 25, 2010

Kwanzaa Testament 2010

Flock. My flock. How I have failed you! In recent days, nay, weeks, nay, months! how I have neglected my adoring flock. Nary an update, no, nary a nary. Not a hair off a horse’s hoof, not a bleat of a lamb’s breath.

No, I have said shit for about three weeks.

But I return not harmed, nor perturbed, nor even hungered.

Just fucking pissed off!

I joketh, of course, my adoring pilgrims of The PoxLips. Thy Father never sayeth a word in verity, be it under thine bovine oath.

(Aaaaaah, KEE-RIST. What a goddamn last few weeks. Let Me Not Get Into Grand Detail. LET ME NOT UTTER PROFANITIES AGAINST THE LORDS OF GI JOE).

Uhh . . how to summarise. Trip to Japan: uhh, how to summarise. Uhh, trip to Japan: Uhh, how to summarise. Uhh . . .

Words. Planes. Nice people. Okay people. Late planes. run. Run. Run. Bag slamming against calf. Run. Gate 34 C. Gate 123B, Terminal B. Run. Run, bag slapping against thigh. Pain. Run. Hunger. Gate A9, Terminal H, West wing, Run. Seat 34B, annoying seatmate. Sleeping pill, double bloody mary. Wake up. WAKE UP! Run. RUN! Gate 54H, seat 46C. Where sunglasses? WHERE $200 sunglasses? Call home. Wait hotel! Destination. Shuttle! Can chu-hai. Hot bath! HOT BATH! HOOOOTTTT BATH!

Wake up. Unhappy. UN. HAPPY.

Sleep again.

DO ALL OVER AGAIN AT 6 O’CLOCK IN REVERSE.

D O  I T  A L L  O V E R  A G A I N 

AGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINAGAINA

Home.

Merry Anything!

Major Konig says "Gott fürgives alles!" (The lying bastard, I will burn him first)
Sorry, no quote due to Stolichnitis
He grows an angel every single moment I see him

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Off to the Wild Blue Yonder

It's another wild trek to Japan starting at 5:30 a.m. on Friday, flock. Wish me luck. Wish that I don't lose my latest $200 pair of glasses, misplace my credit card or have to land the plane when the pilot eats some poisoned chickenorbeef. (I've been busy on my flight simulator, taking off from Dorval airport and aiming the plane into St. Joseph's Oratory, then buzzing downtown and clipping the Big O before turning around and landing on Runway 24L, in 747s, 707s, 737s, Phantom F4s, A380s and my favorite, the Concorde).

All you have to do is follow my progress. 5:30 a.m. at Dorval on Comair to Detroit. Detroit to Seattle. Seattle to Osaka (11 hours and 45 minutes!)

Two nights at the airport hotel. Back on Monday via Seattle and Minneapolis with the Tiny Tornado in tow.

We are going to rock the world of aviation (Tai-chan's almost as good as me on the flight simulator, and he's only nine!) and I can pretend to be an Air Marshall the whole way, staring down all swarthy-looking types in First Class who are nervously fingering their prayer beads while pretending to read "Oregon Fishing Almanac."


So keep checking in with Breaking News and follow my trail of mayhem and derring-do and I'll be sure to give you a full report, with pics, on my return.

Uh, on my projected return.

Here's one of our adventures from about 2005.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tai-chan Malmsteen

Found this snippet of Tai-chan playing the electric guitar I bought for him this summer. Whaddya think? He'll be shredding in no time.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Boxes

I hijacked this old post to post these photos of my boxes.

The Jude Law figure














Friday, November 26, 2010

Zaitsev the Sniper Joins the Boys!

Just received the latest addition to Bock's Misfit army: the sniper from Stalingrad, Vasily Zaitsev, made famous in the movie Enemy at the Gates with Jude Law in the sniper role.

This is an amazing piece of plastic. Those Chinese really know how to do things. If you look at the closeup, you can see reflections in the guy's irises, as well as the amazingly lifelike stubble. Sure is a far cry from your old-time GI Joe. (Click on pictures to enlarge).

You should see the wardrobe that came with him -- coats, boots, hats, belts, rucksacks, alternate hands etc. Totally worth the $90 or so I paid for him. Can't wait to get to page 2 of the adventure!



Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Finally Outdid Myself

Am I crazy, making ten pizzas in an afternoon when only one person was coming over for dinner? Well, yes and no. Ten pizzas is slight overkill, but I've got it down to a science.

For instance, making your own dough is a no-no, unless you plan on devoting an entire day to it (it's not hard to do, but it's time-consuming, not to mention messy).

I get mine ready made from the pizza place at Atwater market. For $4.50, you get enough dough to make four large (14") pizzas or six small (12") pizzas. It's great dough, with lots of air inside to give you that puffy wood-fired crust look.

So the key here is to do all the prep the day beforehand. I bought three different kinds of salami (they sell them whole in paper in various flavours these days in most supermarkets), Tuscany ham, kalamata olives, 6-year-old cheddar, Jarlsberg and Mozzarella di Bufala and added the usual suspects: red onion, red pepper, goat cheese, and to my intense joy/regret, two $6 heads of Ail de Provence (garlic from Provence, France. Watch it, it's the most powerful garlic on the planet and will make your whole refrigerator smell like a garlic buffet).

The next day, you bring out the dough to get it to room temp and you clear the battlefield. You preheat the oven at 550º for an hour with the pizza stone within. I recently bought an oven thermometer, the kind that has a wire that goes into the oven with a digital readout outside, and was disappointed to see that the oven never went any hotter than 489º no matter how long I preheated it, and when I started cooking, frequently fell below 350º. That meant that the stone didn't get hot enough to give a char before the top was ready, but no matter -- these pizzas are designed to be frozen and then frypan-reheated, so I wasn't too worried about it.

Anyway, then you make your chart with ingredients for each pizza so you don't forget a step on one of them, in the order of ingredients (oil, sauce -- I made a homemade one with San Marzanos -- cheese, garlic, onions, peppers meats, more cheese, mushrooms, olives etc.) and then divide your dough into balls for each pizza, wrapping them all in plastic wrap so they don't dry out, then roll 'em out one at a time, putting the toppings on, shoving them into the oven for 8 minutes or so on broil, turning once halfway, then peeling them out and putting them on cooling racks.

That's it. One by one. Believe it or not, it only took about two hours to make ten pizzas, and nary a misstep.

Cleanup's a bit of a pain, but no sweat. Then you just cut all the pizzas you want to freeze in half and put them in plastic containers between wax paper and they'll stay good for at least three months. Reheat them in a nonstick skillet and they'll taste like they just came out of the oven.

Voilà. Pizza for three months. Next time you're all invited, if you all bring a bottle of wine each.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Ten Dollars an Inch? The Impossible Dream?

Six years ago, if you walked into, say, Costco, and saw a 42" plasma TV, you would have seen beside it a sign saying "$5500."

Well, today I walked into a Future Shop and saw a 42" plasma TV selling for $499. That's almost a 90% price drop.

I could afford three of them -- one for each room in the house, whereas six years ago I could have bought a car for the cost of three of them.

I also saw a Blu-Ray player at Walmart for $88. Two years ago, a Blu-Ray player would have run you $1,000 or more. Today I saw a color inkjet printer by HP for $18. The first inkjet printer I owned cost me $600.

But a question lingers . . . do you still use your VCR?

I know I do. In fact, I just bought five new blank tapes today.

Some things will never change.