Grok This

If you compressed 750 million years of Earth's history -- that's back to a time before life existed -- into a year, the Declaration of Independence would be signed seven seconds before midnight of December 31st.

They Should . . .

 . . .  print this out and send a copy to the mother of every starving child in Somalia. They'd really get a kick out of it.

Quote of the Day

From a wraparound-sunglassed rapper-cum Bedouin-looking dude, among the throng of rebels whooping and chanting near the drainage ditch where Gaddafi was yanked out and whacked, speaking to a British news camera in a very heavy Arabic accent, addressing the deceased "King of Kings":

"I will go to Paradiss and you will go to Hell, in'sh'allah!" (hearty chuckles all round)

A Couple of Folk Seriously Watching Their Asses Right About Now

They would be:

Ali Abdullah Saleh of Yemen

Bashar Al-Assad of Syria

Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa of Bahrain

Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz of Saudi Arabia

Abdelaziz Bouteflika of Algeria

and presumably half a dozen or more rulers of failed African states.

Regrettably, we cannot yet add to this list Kim-jong-il of North Korea. The key words here are “not yet.”

And look, they’re doing it all by themselves, with no intevention from “The World’s Policeman.”

That is what I call progress.

Two Sentences We'll Never Hear again; One Regrettably, One Very Happily

"Apple CEO Steve Jobs started off his keynote speech with a dramatic flourish, announcing the highly-anticipated . . ."

"A defiant Muammar Gaddafi on Monday appeared on Libyan TV, lashing out at . . ."

Kindling Part II: The Dumbness

My Kindle 3 arrived yesterday. I was so excited I could barely wait to try it out.

Works GREAT! I thought as I watched the crisp text on the screen, while downloading a book from Amazon. Then I thought: Hmm, this is kind of dim. Where's the brightness control? I turn off the light next to me. Can't read a word. Turn on the light. Hold it under the light. Crisp, clear text! Where is the brightness control? The contrast? Google "how to increase brightness Kindle 3."

Guess what? THERE IS NO BRIGHTNESS. You CAN'T read it except under circumstances in which you would normally read a book.

Why the fuck would I want to get a little machine that I can't enjoy in dim light, that they actually SELL A $40 LIGHT FOR????

Guess what, Amazon: the operation was a great success but the patient was dead before we began.

Kindling

I have a habit that drives Brigitte nuts (she has one that drives me nuts, but more on that later). I love to read in bed. I think I've done this since I was very small, but I can't remember. I certainly didn't in boarding school. The only thing to do there after lights out was to annoy the "dorm boy/master" or whatever the fuck he was called by deliberately pronouncing the word "Countstable" the way it was supposed to be said except changing it back to the way it reads when he asked me "What was that you said just now, Robinson?" I got a huge bunch of laughs out of that one, because I was "The Yank" and wasn't supposed to be able to speak the British Language the way the folks at Tottenham Gdns. Estates did. So I got away with a lot of things, even with the masters, whom I would ridicule mercilessly, at great risk (oh believe me, I always paid for it in the end).

Cunstable. Take that, Bothwick. Cunstable. That's what I said.

Anyway, It disturbs Brigitte because invariably I have to have a source of light. (Well, duh.) But these stupid Itty-Titty book light fuckers burn out on a regular basis an the only other source is my table halogen . . . which people in Japan at dawn see rise majestically every time I turn it on.

So yes!! Instead of lugging Gerald Durrell's massive 1,000-page-plus biography and the Titty light I will have a KINDLE. Three weeks of battery power!!!!!!!! (The lying fucks.)

 I have to go empty the dishes now but at some point I'll tell you what Brigitte does that annoys me. If I could only think of something . . .