Bees In My Bonnet

Last night, as I was settling into my bean bag chair with a nice glass of wine to watch Hawaii Five-0, I suddenly felt something tickling my hand. I brushed at it with my other hand and lo and behold! Something fell on the tatamis. I switched on the light and to my horror I saw that it was some large, beetle-like insect.

I ran to the kitchen to get a glass and some cardboard so I could scoop it up and deposit it on the balcony, but just as I was about to do so, it flew straight into my face. Needless to say, I was mightily disturbed at this turn of events, but even more disturbed when I realised it was a bumblebee. How it managed to squeeze through a 1/4-inch crack in the screen door I'll never know, but there it was, in my bedroom, buzzing around madly, attracted to the halogens on the ceiling.

I must admit here that I'm uh, somewhat averse to things that sting, no matter how many people assure me they'll only sting if you annoy them; that's why to date, I've only ever been stung once, and that was when I stepped on a wasp poolside.

So I was confronted with a mighty dilemma. Where the hell was I going to sleep if I couldn't catch the bastard? All of a sudden, it sort of barrelled down the wall and fell behind my bed. Considering that a mere half-hour before I had changed all my sheets and pillows from a tan scheme to a black scheme, spotting some jet-black insect was going to be difficult. I carefully snatched my blankets and pillows off the bed, carefully inspecting them for Bee Boy, and dragged them into the spare bedroom, shaking them off to make sure he was not hitching a ride.

Then I went back in and did a thorough search. But the damn thing was nowhere to be found! I swear I looked for 20 minutes. How could a bee that size disappear?

I nervously watched the rest of H-5-0, expecting the bee to buzz straight into my ear, and then turned out all the lights and retired to the spare bedroom. I left the screen door open so maybe he'd fly out during the night (yeah, right.)

The bed in the other room is not comfortable, so I didn't get much sleep. But this morning I awoke, had a coffee and sat down at my computer, which is in the spare room. Imagine my consternation when a huge buzzing erupted from near my lamp. There he was, dive-bombing me again, no doubt for some imagined slight. And then, just as suddenly as he appeared, he disappeared. So I'd been sleeping in the same room as him all night anyway!

But how did he get from a room with a closed door into another room with a closed door? Could there have been two bees?

He's still up there somewhere. As I type I occasionally look up nervously. And maybe his pal is hanging around in the bedroom, waiting for me to come settle in for Hawaii Five-0.

Or maybe not.

I swear this is the first time I've ever had the legit opportunity to say it, but here goes: Two bees or not two bees? That is the question.