"We will proceed to offload your luggage."

It must be the longest time I spent at any airport, but not necessarily the worst.

On Thursday after my early morning flight to Schiphol from Bordeaux, my flight to Montreal (in the afternoon) was cancelled due to the usual cryptic "mechanical problems" but then again, I don't want to get on that airplane anyway, even should they fix it that day.

So they told us we could be bussed into the city to stay at a hotel, but I didn't want to get on yet another mode of travel and elected to take my chances with a local airport hotel with my non-existent credit card (well, it existed, but only on my computer and my brain). Stupid me.

When I came back from trying in vain to check in at the Hilton, and tried to get back into the city deal, there was no one around any more at the gate so I decided to pack it in. Bureaucracy can be a terrible thing, and I figured hanging around Schiphol couldn't be so bad.

What I learned in the ensuing 24 hours was that the Dutch are the best English speakers in the world. And the best French. And the best German. They oh-so-reluctantly speak Dutch, it almost seemed furtive. But even Dutch sounded English.

The announcements were all in English first. "Passenger Mayer, you are delaying KLM flight number 678 to Djakarta. Please proceed to gate number E19 immediately." Then, the very odd "We will proceed to offload your luggage."

It was always the same, read either by a mellifluous female voice speaking in an oddly perfect British accent or a mellifluous male voice in a perfect American accent.

Why would they want you to go immediately to the gate and get on your plane only to remove your luggage?

Lost in translation, perhaps.

Safe and sound in Montreal,

Yours.