Thoughts on a Snowy Day

You know, it occurred to me, in this malarious effluvial state caught on a plane recently (falciparum, if you must know), that the universe is impossibly big.

But, also, that the universe is impossibly small. If you’d just pull over your scanning electron microscope, you’d witness incredible things.

You wouldn’t imagine it, but even atoms have bars. Yep, they go out to dinner just like you and me, they waste energy all over the place dating each other and breaking up with each other. Witness, as noticed under my scanner the other day, the following exchange: this proton sidles up to the bar and buys this neutron a drink. Says, “Hey, baby, you’re really attractive.” The neutron says “Dude, get wise, you repel me.”

I swear, it was almost an episode from the Bold and the Restless.

But hey, it doesn’t match the vastness of the universe. Did you know how many atoms came out of the Big Bang? Funny, I didn’t either. But guess what: originally they all fit in a pinhole. Yup, you were a pinhole once.

Now you’re an asshole.

Uh, sorry, wrong routine.

Now I don’t particularly want to go on about gas giants, but did you know that if you compressed ten million of them to the size of a marble, they’d smell incredibly bad? I mean, bad like you’ve never known it. You’d choke, trust me.

Hmm, better eliminate some of these parasites infecting my liver with a good dose of Black and White before I pass out and whack these atoms.