Saturday, October 3, 2009

Montreal Maniacs

No, that's not the name of a hockey team. It's the name of Montreal drivers. I've been in a lot of cities in my life, but Montreal takes the cake as the city containing the worst drivers in the world.

Sure, Calcutta was bad, but what do you do when you have no traffic rules to begin with? Mayhem, but civilized mayhem. Kinshasa, Congo -- same thing. Never a single incident except boarding a crowded bus on a hot day and a lack of deodorant.

Dakar, Africa -- despite one harrowing ride with a drunken French guy, nothing. Nope. Not even close.

Osaka, Japan (and these are all places I lived in, wasn't a visitor to) -- whoa, make a wrong lane change and the police would be on you like stink on shit.

Paris: motorcycle chaos, pedestrians everywhere, but again, not a single incident (though I swore up and down that there would be about 100 motorcycle-related deaths per day by observing their driving).

But Montreal?

Just how DO these people get their licenses? Out of a Rice Crispies box, or as a special offer with Chicken McNuggets?

Because they sure didn't earn them. It is extremely hazardous to drive on the streets of Montreal. Today we almost died. Brigitte and I were just minding our business, driving down a major thoroughfare in the right direction at the right speed, when out of nowhere, a minivan takes an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street and almost slams right into Brigitte's door. If she hadn't had the quickness to swerve to avoid him, she no doubt would have been badly injured and the car would have been a total loss.

Then the guy has the gall to yell at us! Then he burns the red light to get away. We were badly shaken.

This is typical in a city where one rarely sees a cop car, let alone anyone bothering to check for bad drivers. They're too busy handing out parking tickets.

Last year, I was driving with someone down Cote-des-Neiges Road in broad summer daylight when some woman just pulled out from her parking space RIGHT IN FRONT OF US . . . again, some guardian angel and my friend's amazingly fast evasive actions prevented a hideous, life-threatening crash (this time on my side).

I keep telling Brigitte "Drive safely," each time she goes out, and she's a good driver, but as I keep reminding her, it's the other guy who's going to get you.

After all, there are a million Crackerjack boxes sold per day.

2 comments:

  1. I'm glad you guys are okay! The last time we drove in Montreal, we were rear-ended on the mountain. Fortunately there was no serious damage. When I lived in Montreal, I witnessed a car sailing through a red light to t-bone the car in front of me that had proceeded on the green. And I have lots of other Montreal driving horror stories!!!

    When I was a pedestrian living in Montreal, I never paid attention to red or green lights. I just crossed when it was safe, because you're as sure to get nailed on a green as a red.

    Sounds like you both needed a stiff drink after this encounter.

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  2. Knatty,

    It was the closest shave I've ever had. It would have been disastrous. Brigitte might have been badly injured and the car would have been totaled.

    And you're absolutely correct about crossing streets. If it's a major intersection I always make sure I make laser-gaze eye contact with any cars turning, and check BOTH ways. But I jaywalk whenever I can.

    Once I saw an old man pull out af a street and turn left into THE WRONG SIDE OF THE DIVIDED STREET and go merrily on his way. Lucky for him there was no one coming. Also lucky that there was a break in the divider so when his Alzheimer's took a break he went through it.

    I swear, I'm terrified. I'm sure that one day soon, my number is going to come up.

    Oh, those several drinks were very stiff.

    I'm glad you survived Montreal. I hope we do.

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