If A Taliban Warlord Ever Ate at a Montreal Restaurant, Then Reviewed It

Khyber Pass
506 avenue Duluth Est
Montreal, QC H2L 1A7, Canada
(514) 849-1775

by Mullah Gulbuddin al -al -al -al (sorry, frog in throat) Hekmatyar Abu Sheikh Abu Abu-abu-abu (sorry again) bin Dude

Translator is late! Late! Must to write review himself!

Montreal is evil city, evil since supplying alcohol nonetheless the US infidels’ prohibition of the times of Grandpa Adbullah VIIX.

Atmosphere is typical Western apostate haven of western musical abominations, of which I think I recognize Hank Williams. What is Hank Williams playing in Afghan café? Oh, sorry, waiter tell me it is Pashtun tribal songs. It is mistake mine.

Waiter is slow. I bring out Kalashnikov but drink still come slowly. Butter tea taste weird, not like what kidnap Russian girl make for Gulbuddin in 80s. There is no Glenfiddich, even though bodyguard ask nicely.

First course I ask roast mutton but no roast mutton. Only chicken. Death to chicken! But waiter say dark meat only, many bones, can eat with hands. Remind of home, so order. Not worried about taste. As they say in Isfahan, “Even cockroach taste like mutton.”

Too many napkins. No hand bowls. Appetizers weak (samosa taste like made by gardener wallah!) and dipping sauce not enough cilantro. I pull safety back on Kalashnikov, much noise, cilantro come quickly. Taste like mutton.

Is strange. Come in, place is full. Now place is empty, in, like ten minute.

Ask for rice. No waiter. Ask chapati. Still no waiter. Bodyguard go look. No waiter. No cook.

Bodyguard bring beer, Canadian, instead. Taste like what mutton make. Is good.

Restaurant get three red star.