The Hitler Diet

(Well, everyone’s got to eat, right? Here’s my theory on the Hitler diet):

6:35 a.m.: Summon Grndl for scones and fishcakes. Bring out maps of the Volga while eating on gilt-edged tray.

8:15 a.m.: Tiring of discussion about troop movements north of Stalingrad with General Paulus on field telephone. Call in airstrike. Small cucumber salad with parsley and vinegar dressing. Looking forward to lunch.

11:05 a.m. Goebbels nothing short of annoying, having disturbed timetable by showing up unannounced and with some vague nonsense about some place called Treblinka. I’ll Treblinka you later, buster.

Two fat knackwurst (vegetarian, with bean curd and trifle) and hot Bavarian mustard. Glass of carrot juice. Full! Nothing more until High Tea.

All day, all day, headaches, so much business talk. Fed up with running an empire. Looking forward to Dieter’s dinner, even though he’s Romanian and his name is not really Dieter.

6:17 p.m. Supper on the balcony at Der Wolfsschanze with Eva, Hermann, Clothilde and Wolfgang: Breaded deep-fried beancakes with Hungarian potatoes “à-la-Provençale” in forest mushroom gravy while discussing troop movements in the Ukraine. Note to self: more carriages, less jostling.

10:26 p.m. Late night supper with bodyguards and Eva. No more telephones today! Let Groscurth figure out by himself how he’s going to feed the 23rd Division. I’m going to bed.

Small wedge lemon pie with meringue topping with mint leaves. Digestif of bergamot tea. Nighty night!