How Hitler Ran His Day (Diary excerpts)

(Translated by me):

6:30 a.m. This is the WORST gebroten ever made. What, I run an entire Reich and I get bad Gebroten?
7:00 a.m. Jesus Christ, can the dog never shut the fuck up? Isn't there a Jew I can feed it to?
8:00 a.m. Oh no, not that asshole Himmler again. What's the story with his TIES? Note to self: talk to Goering and find out who his designer is.
 8:45 a.m. What the fuck??? Six million is not enough? Ya want coffins with that, ma'am?
9:15 a.m. Aaah, not you again ya fuckin' Stalinist pig. Don't you realise that there's a RED phone which is called the "RED PHONE" and the BLACK phone, which, not so coincidentally, is called the BLACK PHONE????? Fucking Bolsheviks. Where's Gerta with my tea, anyway?
10:05 a.m. Oh, here's an item . . . Roosevelt has "launched a massive effort . . ." Great, Teddy, where the fuck do you think that's going to get you????? OMG.
11:15 a.m. Can you STOP with the cucumber sandwiches? I mean, like STOP? Do I look like the QUEEN to you? Well, maybe I do.
11:67 a.m. Hmm . . .  note to self . . . maybe a Waldorf Gas Oven instead of a Schteinbamfuhrer? Ask Eva to check it out.
12:56 p.m. Ahh, yeah . . . conquer the world. Forgot COMPLETELY about that. Maybe after I secretly jerk off in the toilet Gerta cleaned . . . maybe she won't notice the tissues . . .