Doing It

You know, you think about a task, something -- something that's coming up in your life that you can't avoid and you you say "No, I can't do this, I just can't. I know I'll break, something bad will happen! How can I get out of this?" But you know you have to do it. YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

It's the worst feeling in the world.

I've been in a bathroom in a hotel in Paris feeling like complete shit, looking at myself in the mirror because I look so horrific, but in 20 minutes I have to check out and get on the subway on a rainy Sunday morning with a a vicious hangover and somehow find Montmartre station. Then take a subway with my bag to Charles de Gaulle and get on a plane to Montreal via Amsterdam. I can't! I can't! My mind shouts that I can't.

But like a robot, I take the steps. When you boil them down into tiny increments, the hugeness of the task becomes almost irrelevant. It's always best if you've done this sort of thing before. "Oh, God, that was HORRIBLE!! But I made it through that, so I can make it through this!"

I guess that's kind of like what soldiers in combat think. Except there are no bombs exploding! No bullets flying! Yes, your brain says, YES! They went through a trillion times worse shit than you so YOU CAN DO IT!

There's a wedding coming up. A huge Jewish wedding. There will be strangers staying at my house. Every day will be an obligation day. TWO WEEKS. I can't do this. How can I do this?

How?