What I Do Every Day

What I do every day is spend an inordinate amount of time thanking the God of Kwalikor (hey! It's who I happen to believe in!) that I don't hurt anywhere.

No kidding. I make conscious checks: hmm . . . do I hurt here? No. Check. Do I hurt here? No. Check. Then I sidetrack and check if I feel okay. Is my stomach a roiling mass of horror? No? Check. Am I feeling lethargic, unwilling and unhappy? Yes. Check.

But when any of these checks becomes a concern, re: do I hurt anywhere? No, check and it comes back negative, ie. oh yes, I DO hurt, then I remind myself why I make these checks every day just to remind me how lucky I usually am compared to others. So, to make your life more useful when you don't feel great, use my checklist. Any question you say "yes" to, you should have a drink to:

1. Am I above ground?
2. Is my stomach not a mass of troubles, like last week when I seemed to have diarrhea of the worst kind for no apparent reason?
3. Do all the people who call me "friend" still like me?
4. Am I going to be alive after 6 pm. this evening?
5. Will I drink to that at 6:01?
6. Is the thing that I ordered on complete impulse off Amazon in the mail to me as I type?
7. Will I just be like a bear in honey when I receive it?
8. Is this constant sound in my left ear that sounds like a slow, pulsing motor going to be gone by tomorrow?
9. Is life just an illusion and am I going to wake up feeling completely refreshed from having had it, in a place that my my mind can't possibly grasp, in which I view the Foaming Fountains of Eternal Paradise where Hobbits roam free and everywhere is like New Zealand?
10. Do I still have that 47% of my mind that I went to sleep to yesterday?