What's In a Name

I've often wondered: what is it that seems to strike the terror of the Lord into all of us when we hear some Islamofascist's name? Why does the name "Abu Muammar Saad" strike us as so . . . sabre-wielding, so turbaned and alien? So absolutely terrifying? When all he is is a two-bit warlord wannabe who spits in the street and grunts when spoken to?

What if he were more familiar to us . . . what if his name were something we recognized as being familiar, one that we could quickly categorize and dismiss, like the petty thug he really is, instead of some romantic, "Allahu akhbar" shrieking dervish on camelback, come to roust us from our tents, rape our women and pillage our village, so to speak?

Abu Mazen Al Jihadi, AKA Vinny "Bags" Manolo

What if his name was Eddie "No-nose" Gallucci? Or Nicolo "Nicky the Pin" Canutti? See what that does? The very familiarity of the thuggish nature of those names doesn't strike fear in our hearts, it sparks a sneer of recognition. ""Omar Qadr Ibn Al Hajj" might sound scary and terroristic, but what if it was Mike "Southside Philly Donuts" Mignoli? Would you be terrified by a name like that? Hey, basically, they're both thugs. Admittedly, Southside Philly doesn't walk into bars with bombs strapped to his chest and blow up women and children, but he loan sharks on West 18th and Shepperton and has a stable of hookers and has, like, "Unfriended" a couple guys here 'n' there, you knows?

WHAT is the fucking difference?

Next time you hear the ominous-sounding "Mullah Omar" just translate it into "Joey 'Two-chins' Copoli" and you'll get your perspectives a little straighter.