At the moment, moving in to your new home on Jupiter is liable to be hindered by some commonplace complications. Foreseeing these complications, we’ve composed a Frequently Asked Questions section on just what you’ll be concerned about when you take possession of your Model XVI home on Jupiter.
Q. How do I move to Jupiter?
A. Don’t worry, we’ve got all that figured out.
Q. Am I allowed to have pets?
A. Yes, pets are allowed, but please read the Service Agreement first. Pit Bulls have recently come under the scrutiny of the Council for the Preservation of Section XVII.
Q. I'm afraid I'm going to gain some weight. Is there any truth to that?
A. If you weighed 118 lbs on Earth you'll weigh about 975 lbs. on Jupiter. However, there are Jenny Craig offices already established. Please contact Customer Service (Extension 6187-098-6252444-1098726-001-JENNY) for more details.
Q. Just how much area does “14 hectares, fertile soil, weak sun” encompass?
A. About 12.8 hectares, give or take an ammonia cloud. Planting is always advised only for the summer months.
Q. What if my neighbours are noisy, or don’t respect the parking spots along our street? I don’t want to seem to be a bother if I have to call someone.
A. Unplug their methane-protection emergency combilator. This should take care of the problem.
Q. My cable service is constantly interrupted by signals from Voyager II. Who can I apply to for a refund for those minutes that the Habs game on Earth doesn’t come through?
A. Call Customer Service at 610-987-675-9874-097865-456098776-238965-87654-45988766 and a customer service representative will be be with you in 22 hours and thirteen minutes. We apologize for the delay.
Dude. I'm so linking this on Twitter.
ReplyDeleteYou rock.
Thanks, Foodie!
ReplyDeleteI don't know where my mind comes up with this stuff, but I actually DID buy galacticproperty.com.
And there really will be homesteaders on Jupiter. I guarantee it.
Or your Xxzrxzes back.
I'm looking for a planet where I'll weigh less, not more.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have some plots on Pluto, if you don't mind its demotion from planethood. It's still got a lot of cachet.
ReplyDelete