Kid

You know, being a kid was tough. Now that I'm with my seven-year-old son I realise it even more.

What THE FUCK are Cheerios? What were they then, what are they now? Fuckin' SPACE FOOD introduced to subsume the ENTIRE FUCKING POPULATION.

Oh, yes, I remember Cheerios. All the lies about the various FUCKING CRAP that the food industry, every single smarmy-on-camera-denying one of them delivered to ME. Yes, ME, PERSONALLY.

When I was seven I DID NOT HAVE A CHOICE. It's like being forced to be a FUCKING MUSLIM.

Froot Loops. The CEO of that company, probably those fuckwads Protcologist-Gamble, should be LINED UP A WALL AND SHOT.

Why did I ever have to eat that shit? It's like giving a lit cigarette to a chimpanzee. Guess what --- he's going to smoke it.

I just got off a lecture to my son, Tai-chan. Hey, being an adult is tough.

"Look at this, Tai-chan," I said, pointing to the box of "Crunchy Cheerios." This is junk. This is BIRD FOOD. This is what I would FEED THE SQUIRRELS."

Needless to say, he got a major laugh out of that. I hope you and every artery you ever had, let alone EVERY FUCKING DENTIST YOU MET would get a MAJOR LAUGH out of that.