There will never, ever be a shortage of morons. I always thought there were few guarantees in life, but this is one of them. Morons burst at the seams at every level. There is such a surfeit of morons in this world that it's a wonder ANYTHING ever gets done.
To wit:
Montreal's airport builds a new wing, millions in the making, to take exclusive care of passengers travelling to the U.S. Before, everyone went through checkin, then dragged their bags to U.S. customs, then deposited their bags, went through security and were on their way.
Now, in their "airy, spacious new hall" with 27, count 'em, 27 "processing" booths, you deposit your bags BEFORE going through customs. Major innovation! Can you say "Efficiency doubled!"?
Oh, it's a very pretty new hall. Except that at 7 a.m. on a Sunday, with at least 300 people lined up in that accursed "S" queue configuration, there were only five -- count them: five -- agents working. Assuming that each person takes 3 minutes for processing and, well, YOU do the math.
I did the math. All I know is that I spent 45 fucking minutes in line where in the old, inefficient facility, I at most spent ten. So they became so backed up that harried workers started asking people whose flights were imminent to come to the head of the line. That made all the rest of us who had been waiting 40 minutes VERY happy to see twenty people barging the queue, let me tell you. Plus the fact that herding people one by one into various lines is the stupidest, least democratic way to do things. EVERYONE SHOULD BE IN ONE LINE, then proceed to the next available agent. Otherwise you get the scenario that Line H, the one they sent YOU to, happens to involve a family from Yemen, and the customs agent is giving them a thorough grilling, while all the other lines sail through next to you. MORONS!
ASSHOLES! I want to shout it from the rooftops and I hope you'll join me.
But wait -- there's more! Assholedom and inefficiency know no bounds!
Why, may I reasonably ask, AM I BEING FORCED TO GO THROUGH U.S. CUSTOMS IN THE FIRST PLACE? HelLOO, I'M NOT ENTERING THE U.S.!!!! I'm going to JAPAN _VIA_ the U.S.! Why not create a section for hello, TRANSIT PASSENGERS???? Why must I have to go through immigration and security just to transfer from one plane to another? WHY? PLEASE GOD, TELL ME WHY. In fact, it's MUCH MORE RISKY for the U.S. to allow transit passengers to deplane into the general airport because then I COULD JUST WALK OUT OF THE AIRPORT AND BECOME AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT. Hey, I'll have to consider that next time. Oh wait, I'm American. In the OLD DAYS you would have to go to the TRANSIT lounge, where you'd wait until your next plane left. No immigration, no security, no nothing. Doesn't that MAKE SENSE? People just do not have brains.
But wait, there's even more. Morons are everywhere in this world! Most at airports! We get into Tokyo, we being transit passengers (remember them?)
We're going through Tokyo, but our ultimate destination is Osaka.
Get this, people: We get off an airplane after having gone through security at the last airport. We're going to our transfer boarding gate without having left any secure areas but WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH SECURITY AGAIN. Literally. Yes, Mr. Hiroshi-san, I picked up some plastic explosive from Olaf the Jackal while secretly transferring through the secure area and it's in my shoe! I went to the bathrooms with my eight-year-old son and cunningly transferred the explosive to my hollow heel so I could blow us all to hell!
One plane to another and security AGAIN! What kind of idiocy reigns in this misbegotten world? WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE? It's worldwide -- there is NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
Christ alive, I'm not looking forward to my return trip. But you'll no doubt hear ALL ABOUT IT.
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