Have You Ever . . . .

 . . . . been in a dishwasher? No, this is not a metaphorical survey; rather, this is a real question.

I mean, shoved HEAD FIRST into a dishwasher, then, when you're impossibly inside all the way, among the old coffee cup and the plastic food trays, whoever is shoving you inside suddenly slams the door shut, locks it, forgets the Cascade, opens the the door, puts it in next to your head, slams the door shut again, locks it, and then turns it on? And you're in the dark, with all sorts of things ringing and singing, and the fork in the little tray is REALLY annoying every time it stabs you in the ass, and . . .

THERE'S THE RINSE CYCLE TO LOOK FORWARD TO . . . .

?

NOT TO MENTION THE DRY CYCLE. No, we'll make that our clean little secret.

??

Well, that's the fucking way I feel right now.