Upon Being a Plastic Murderer, and Other Things

War is a lunatic thing. In recent years I’ve learned that humans aren’t the only creatures that practice it. Chimpanzees wage war on epic scales, as do ants. and wasps.

My so-called “fascination” with war highly bothers Brigitte. But because I have a personal link, that my father fought in insane situations but survived to have me, I have a very personal connection with wars.  Who the fuck knows what it did to him? He lied. He denied being afraid. He denied killing anyone. But I know he did all these things.

My perversity with GI Joes is precisely that —  a perversity. I say to myself sometimes at night, “Yes, you fucking assholes, you’re all in Eternity but you live on my shelf to be ridiculed. You may have “looked smart” in your fucking “uniforms" but the fact is that YOU EXISTED TO KILL PEOPLE.

I am NOT including my Allied figures — only the sadist, torturing Nazis and Japs. Man from Future doesn't exist yet, so I can't include him.

I look at them sometimes. I buy them. But in my mind I remember all the real missions my father went through to kill these motherfuckers, how many of Brigitte’s relatives died at their hands and YOU ARE GOING TO BE FIRSTHAND WITNESSES TO THE VIDEO WHEN I GRILLTHEIR SORRY ASSES in their memory and watch them melt like the sorry motherfuckers they are. I'll rue the money I spent on them but it will be hilarious to SEE THEM BURN.

It’s admittedly a perverse way to get revenge, to buy a Nazi corporal at 1/6 scale but IT’S MY REVENGE. It’s okay that Brigitte doesn’t want me to buy Hitler as a plastic figure but IT’s MY REVENGE. I can gaze at him 24/7 and REMIND MYSELF WHAT HE DID AND HATE HIM ALL THE MORE.

Making fun of these murderous clowns is the best way I can get back at them.

Because they sure were murderous clowns.

No shortage there, even today.

Don’t worry, no Postal, just a bunch of dolls on a shelf. But I certainly know the difference between a doll and a murderer.

Trouble is, there will be more murderers. And more dolls. At least I'll be able to torture the dolls.

They will linger, trust me. I might even crucify a few of the worst. And I'll post it all here.

Yes. I'll bind a pair of chopsticks for Hiroshi, the Japanese corporal, and nail his hands to the cross. Then I'll burn him after about a week when I get sick of his screaming.

Heinz, the German Lieutenant -- well, I have special plans for him, mostly involving skewers.

FEEL THE LOVE.