Hate the awkward pause? Despise the faux-pas? Come to me. I’m the conversation expert. Since I hate being uncomfortable in any situation, I’ve developed the talent to rescue myself.
Ever sat at a table of people eating and then suddenly everything descends into the scraping of forks, clearing of throats, napkins being wielded?
That’s where I come in. “Hey, what do you get when you cross a rat with a weasel? A very small lawyer.”
I’m Mr. Pausebreaker. I’m Mr. Fillin. I come up with the transitions from one topic to another.
Think about it. In a group of human beings, SOMEONE has to take the helm to prevent anarchy. Even if anarchy in this case is silence.
“My grandfather used to lock me in a closet for five minutes every day. He said it was elevator practice.”
It never fails to work. If no one is conducting the conversation then it will always be awkward. So I volunteer.
Guilty! I need to be more like you! I tend to freeze up and think "Say something!" That is a great idea. I think I'll make a list ahead of time, so I can be spontaneous! : )
ReplyDeleteActually, what I tend to try to do is to hold the most recent "theme" of the conversation (there always is one, be it child poverty or grizzly bears as pest) and just continue it, as in “Did you know that grizzlies are second only to mosquitoes as Alaska’s state bird?”
ReplyDeleteOr something similar. I’m terrible at remembering jokes but one liners are the best. There is very little to remember and it just segués into the next bubble of conversation because there always is one.
If you want a handful just google “stephen wright quotes” and you’ll be set for life if you can just remember them.
I mean, how cool is "I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
ReplyDelete?
And remember, you have to deliver these things with a straight face so everyone thinks you're quite serious.
ReplyDeleteCool! How about scrambled eggs in the Industrial Revolution? Or a Western Omelette during the Gold Rush? Crepes Suzette in the Edwardian period?
ReplyDeleteFrench fries in front of the guillotine.
ReplyDeleteHa! : )
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