On a Roll

Warning — Rant Quotient: Off The Charts

I'm sorry to be writing all this airline-centric copy. To people who rarely fly, it must be a remarkable bore. But I think the points I have to make here also apply to the small-mindedness of a lot of other service-oriented industries. Mainly: when the airlines decide to cut back in amenities, they don't really think it through carefully; rather, in emergency terms of black and white. "Jesus Christ," one suit realises, "If we only remove three in-flight magazines per plane per year, we save $10,000 in fuel costs." In suit-speak, this is absolutely true.

You fucking idiot. While you're counting beans, you're overlooking the obvious. I would gladly PAY for a $40 meal in economy — meaning, what you serve in First and with free wine — even though your costs for the meal would probably be more like $20. Fuck it, I'd leave a fucking tip, too, if the meal pleased me! Why is it that the airlines can't transfer the restaurant model to the skies? Fuckin' cruise ships got the idea long ago. Meanwhile, we're being humiliated with choices of Subway sandwiches on flights less than 5 hours. Just plug me in for that in-flight option of "full gourmet meal with wine for $40." I'm already paying up the ass; what's $40 extra?

Listen, motherfuckers, it's quite simple, at least to me: offer a great product, ie. what you plaster your Business Class geeks with, and offer it at a price. A reasonable price, say, what you'd pay in a real restaurant. Serve it on a real plate and include a couple of glasses of decent wine. That's worth $40, don't you think?

What, the rabble that travels in Y class doesn't have brains? Need I remind anyone that all the fucking hijackers from 9/11 were in Business class. Gourmets all, no doubt.

When are the fucking airlines going to get a clue?