Why

. . . do I lose it when I talk to my 6-year old son in Japan. Parents aren't supposed to lose it. They're supposed to be these steel rods, these upstanding figures. But I cry, I can't not, when I hear his tiny voice, his tentative attempts to speak English to me because he hates speaking Japanese to me and I hate speaking Japanese to him (though I'm more than capable--my Japanese is better than my French)

And when it's been so long, a tenth of his lifetime, I just crumble. I haven't seen him for six months and it's just horrible. So it's not nice when Dad cries on the phone but there is nothing I can do. I just want to hug him and hold him and tell him everything is going to be all right but instead I just cry.

Why?