On Books and The New Media

I am not an intellectual. I know what intellect is, just not the “-ual” part.

I’m a well-read guy. But most people read me completely wrong. Like I’m hard to read? I like books, don’t mistake me. I like how they feel, like, hard with lots of soft pages. Just, I don’t like to read them. I look for the remote control but they always forget to put that in the bag.

People say crazy stuff. Like in the store the other day, this guy says, “You want fries with that?” Why, do I look like I want fries? What do I look like, a fry type of guy? I look sharp, no tux, maybe, but I know I don’t look like a fry guy.

Oh yeah, books. How come they print the print on both sides of the pages instead of one side? Then I don’t have to turn my head every time. And who needs page numbers in a 500 page book? Like I’m going to remember I stopped reading at page 246 six days from now? And what’s with dog ears? Dog years I’ve heard of, but dog ears? When you fold a corner of a book page over it’s a triangle. How is it a dog ear? Seven times bigger than a regular triangle?

I’ve had it with this intellectualizing. It’s like I’m downsizing. See? It rhymes even.

Walt Whitman once wrote . . . “ . . .” oh, okay, I forget. But he wrote something.