The Trip From Hell

I know I'm a whiner. I'm that guy at work who whines about everything (usually for a good reason, but I digress because I'm a whiner) but I whine in a GOOD way. Think John Lennon whining and you get me. A "bon mot" here and there so to speak. A "fuck this noise" here and there too.

But might I presume to whine yet again?

There are trips from Hell. But somehow other people don't seem to mind them. It's only me who seems to gripe (always privately, never at anybody else, mind you -- that's a WEASEL kind of whiner) but it's a little running conversation with myself that only I enjoy (God forbid you're part of it) . . . ahh fucking A, jesus christ why are we sitting here on the fucking ground and the pilot isn't saying anything it's because there's something they don't want us to know we'll just turn around and go back to the gate why did I pick this fucking airline why did fucking Air Canada cancel its trips to Osaka those motherfuckers that's why I'm sitting in this miserable seat in this shithole of Detroit next to this snoring motherfucker . . ." Well, you get the general picture.

But in person, I become Affable Me, the kind who FUCKING WANGLED A FIRST-CLASS TICKET FROM OSAKA TO DETROIT JUST BY LOOKING SHARP AND MAKING A COUPLE OF GOOD JOKES IN JAPANESE. Yep, I can be sharp, kids. I've had people watch me make, say a service call to the video company and just drop their jaws and say "That was amazing! Where did you learn how to do that?" As if remembering "Hi, my name's John, how can I help you"'s name is John is amazing. Ya just gotta look sharp, act sharp, button down everything, toss off a few jokes and the woild is your OYSTER, I swear to Jesus Fucking Christmas.

So what you see is not always what you get . .. inside I'm seething but outside I'm laughing . . . you just gotta get a talent for it. Hmm, come to think of it, that accounts for 99% of Japanese . . .

Anyways, I DO tend to digress, especially considering I've been up for about 39 hours and can't sleep and felt the need to tell YOU (good) PEOPLE about everything as is my wont . . .

It was STILL the trip from Hell even in first class. When you don't want to be doing something, it always makes the rant quotient quite high, if I might say so myself. But I outdo me. I ALWAYS predict the worst possible outcome . . . there's going to be a huge line at security (there was) . . . Immigration is going be a nightmare (it was) . . . I'm going to lose my glasses (I didn't!) but let me tell you, if my personal fate was destined to be a root canal a day for a month I probably would have taken that sweet option.

How many times can you say fuck? How many times can you THINK fuck? It gets fucking old, let me tell you.

They need a better word because I've run out of mine.

But I'm back and I AIN'T GOING NOPLACE except for Brigitte's sweet arms.

Thank fucking god for some things. That's my sermon for today. God bless.