Itchy

I know, enough, enough already. But hey, you have the option to navigate away! Just click that mouse! What, you from Abu Dhabi? Get your servant to do it for you.

But have you ever had that itch? You know the one, just before you're trying to fall asleep. Your hand is parked under your back, or, maybe your companion's back, and all of a sudden there's this itch that is not going away. You're trying everything to wish it away, but it's right at the top of your nose between your eyes and it most definitely is not going away. If, say, you're sleeping with your companion and the hand you want to use is like, right beneath her back, snuggled all comfortably, and you know that just . . .eeeeeeeveennn . . . . moseying it on out from there is most DEFINITELY going to wake someone -- anyone -- even the cat -- up, what are you going to do?

Just what are you going to do? Go for it! Oh Christ, all hell breaks loose, companion mutters, shifts into a new position, your tiny night fantasy is broken into a million shards. Next thing: "God, I had a hard time sleeping last night. What, you want breakfast? There are no eggs. Why? Because you didn't buy them."

All because of this little itch.

But please, for a moment, abandon thoughts of Abu Ghraib and consider the space suit. Imagine, you're upside down in some fucking moon-space vehicular activity module and your nose starts to itch. No, really. Whaddya gonna do? Huh? Hey, pull off the mask and you'll be sucked into Eternity, they'll be wiping your eyeballs off the space capsule with Extra-Strength Windex.

What does Microsoft do for a living? Those assholes. Why don't they design an automatic itch-scratcher for space helmets? What the hell else are they good for? Windows?