Somebody named Ironman who follows this blog recently pointed out that "Life's too short to be pissed off all the time."
I don't know, what's your take on that? I'm not as old as him, but I don't have, you know, POSTAL issues with humanity. I keep telling Brigitte it's Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, my mother was smoking and drinking when my "Factor X-23-selenol" was being developed in my brain but otherwise, what accounts for sheer irritability?
Aaah, anyone who reads this blog knows I lose it at the best of times. But hey, I'm not Anger Management credentials. Not even rehab. I never (god forbid!) hit anyone, the fucking worst I ever do when abusing substances is go to sleep.
Thank you Martha Stewart, who inexplicably appeared in my dreams the other day . . . "Uhh, you're Martha Stewart?" (I could not give a rat's ass about Martha Stewart) "Yes, I am!" "Whoa, you're way taller than me! What, by the way are you doing in my dream? I'm trying to process shit here in Oakland California in an unfamiliar bed, couldn't you have done me the goddamn favor of hey, like, maybe revisiting in Montreal like, maybe next Tuesday? Uhh, maybe 4:30 a.m.?"
Not sure where this is going but, as MY LOYAL READERS you will bear with me. Like they say, you always have the choice to change the channel.
Nah, but the issue of irritability keeps coming up. It's just like a low-grade fever. Just never goes away. It really isn't "Anger Management" level . . . I NEVER yell at people I don't know or have a hassling streak . . . and I sure as HELL never abuse someone I'm with or am next to.
What can I say? It's an ongoing cynicality that occupies my brain forever. Ironman said life is too short to be pissed off all the time but short of massive lithium infusions I guess I'm going to have to live with this.
I never confront people I don't know--that's a HORRIBLE kind of irritability, one I can't imagine--but I tend to take it out on the people close to me. You know, words, attitude, whatever. Never any violent or even approaching violent stuff but just a general "Fuckin' A, what the fuck am I doing here? Does this wine have to be red? Could you maybe have parked twelve inches closer to this Neanderthal so I can get this piece of shit bag out? Umm, what the fuck, do we really have an obligation with Scott? What the fuck, turn on the windshield wipers, it's really raining now."
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Ironman thought it. How can you waste the time that you have in life being pissed off all the time? Well, I SAY it depends on HOW you're pissed off.
Hey look, Brigitte constantly says how much she loves me. Y'know, I'm not the type to berate shop clerks or to send food back. or ANYTHING APPROACHING THAT. To do that kind of shit, you have to be a clod . . . there is no other word for it. No, me, like it or not, just gets irritable of things I can't control.
I swear, I actually have a checklist of sorts. "Ahh, fuck" (sorry, it always starts that way) "okay, I am waiting in this line in this grocery store and there are five people ahead of me. That dude has a shitload of stuff. Do these tomatoes really matter?"
Ironman,you're a good guy. Passing ANY TIME AT ALL being pissed off is a true total waste of time. It just doesn't move the checkout line any faster or solve the fucking problem I have talking to some asshole at Videotron who keeps asking what my "personal question" and answer is when all I want to do is change my channels. Ironman, you're right. You are SO FUCKING RIGHT.
Life is amazingly short, but you know what? JUST FOR YOU I will not continue this rant like I want to do and instead I will try to get a bit jiggy and pat a cat, maybe that little asshole cat that keeps hiding under the bed but seems to like me . . . maybe I'll do that instead of launching into a new tirade.
Trust me, if I tried to go to sleep angry, well, you'd have the longest-woken human on the planet.
I think we all get all kinds of angry and we express it many different ways. I hate Angry Me, but somehow I justify him. The biggest thing that I ever care about is that I don't want to hurt anyone IN ANY WAY with my irritability, but you know what?
It's all my parents' fault. Yup. Obviously Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. See?
What you lookin' at anyways?
wow, you are the angry one? oh my God! you're the epiphany of self control :P
ReplyDeleteI wonder though, if you are the angry one...what am i?
Arlette, I think it's a different kind of anger. I really can't explain it but it's not the kind of "you come any further here I'll kick your ass" anger . . . it's a very passive anger, a smouldering one, if you will.
ReplyDeleteDunno if that makes it any better but you know, I really like people who have ZERO anger but I can never quite figure them out, as if they have some secret I don't know. But ya know, they tend to be serial killers, so I guess I'm kinda jiggy.
Oh, wow! I think you just made me realize why I _really_ like people who bitch: I believe I think they are trustworthy. Like you really know where you stand, they wouldn't lie to you. They've got your back. They would never let you walk around with a booger on your nose.
ReplyDeleteAs you point out towards the end of your post it's more irratibility than anger. My wife and I have gone through six bouts of cancer, all different types, over the last 25 years. This makes you focus on the essential.
ReplyDeleteBad drivers irritate me to no end and I rant and rave in the car. It feels good letting it out at the time but ultimately quite pointless.
More and more I just go with the flow. Being retired with a good income helps a lot.
I don't believe you could have FAS. You don't have any of those facial anomolies. But anyway, for mood, the best thing is Magnesium. Not sure why. (Just trying to help : )
ReplyDelete(Best Sigmund Freud voice): umm, yes . . . magnesium.
ReplyDeleteNah, I know I don't have FAS but I definitely have TIS (Terminal Irritability Syndrome)
But it's nice to be able to blame others for your deficiencies. That way you don't have to acknowledge them! =+)