I have trouble following orders, even from loved ones. I feel like Basil Fawlty in the famous scene of Fawlty Towers whan a few German guests arrive and he’s suffering from a knocked head. “Hors d’ouevres? YOU-MUST-OBEY-HORS D’OUEVRES!” Or something like that.
But I have serious, debilitating problems with following orders, no doubt born of years in British boarding schools. I bristle immediately at “I need you to . . .” “I want you to . . .” etc. which are quite social norms.
No, with me the language has to be “correct”. "D'you think you could . . ." "Would you . . . " " Could you do me a favor and maybe . . ." "My darling Boy, would you at some point . . ."
Brigitte has borne the brunt of my reluctance to obey orders a couple of times, simply because she was a manager for many years and English is not her first language and she, shall we say, “phrased the request wrongly”, but it’s also the reason I will never work in an office.
I’ve suffered under the imperious instructions of various bosses — not all, because I had some very kind bosses as well — but I will not be told, ever, ever again, that “I need you to cut this into six-inch squares” or something similar. You do it your fucking self, asshole. I need YOU to go FUCK YOURSELF with a very large carrot until it's been thoroughly peeled, Dickwad. Furthermore, if you happen to be smaller than me, I'll kick your tiny ass to Christmas.
I wonder if anyone else has the same philosophy . . .
HaHa!
ReplyDeleteIt took me a minute! (But it could have been hors.)
No, there's a sketch in Fawlty Towers (which you must see) that Basil, the hotel owner, goes ape, and taking the orders from the German group, starts mentioning the war. He starts mixing up their orders and changing them to Nazi names (Prawn cocktail becomes Eva Braun cocktail, the list is endless. It's possibly the funniest Fawlty episode there is.
ReplyDeleteHe says something like "Hors d'ouevres? Orders? ORDERS?!" and puts his fingers to his upper lip like a Hitler mustache and starts goosestepping and saying "ORDERS! WHICH must be obeyed AT ALL TIMES!"
Ya gotta see it!
(I haven't been able to find a playable version of the show yet, but sooner or later...)
ReplyDeleteI'm weird about taking orders. I won't care or even notice rudeness from someone who is smarter or busier than I am, no problem! But it always seems like the idiots who are assholes and say "I need this now and why didn't you anticipate and already do it for me because I'm super important!" Somehow those get to the bottom of my pile since I'm so slow. But the people who have to say they're important never are and their ideas always get cancelled in a few days anyway, because they always want to go from point A to point A.5 and I always want to go to 11.
My weakness is "Susie, the programmers say they can't get to this for a year. We need it but we're not even sure it's possible. Could you take a crack at it? We'll give you til the end of the day."
Good times!