It wasn't a disaster. Far from it. It was a grand success. In the sense that buying a bunch of transistors from the electronics store and building a radio is a grand success. "Hey! It works! It even works great! It works even better than I ever even expected! I know I could have walked to the store and bought a transistor radio for $10 when mine cost $55 plus seven hours work, but that's beside the point! They do the same exact thing, but I did it! Not you! Me!"
Never mind that eight said they would come, but only one showed up; never mind that in the end, turkey is a pretty taste-free bird that either has to be gussied up with mountains of side dishes or just be another bland filling in a school-lunch sandwich or a major player in Jenny Craig's repertoire; never mind that it's just a total all-around hassle to prepare, maintain, serve and clean up after; never mind all that.
But it's like assembling an entire Everest expedition, complete with sherpas, oxygen, tents, Base Camp, Camp IV, South Col, summit, plant the flag! just to trek down to the corner store to get some beer.
I mean, I've never understood how keen people are to put so much effort into things that yield so little reward. Design a nuclear reactor? Years upon years upon most of your lifetime at the expense of your family, friends and collection of G.I. Joes, for WHAT exactly? My motto is, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Don't Sweat the Big Stuff, Either. Let Someone Else Do It."
Thus, we come to the bird.
Here, I added rosemary feathers (and garlic slivers!) under the skin to see if I could make it fly again:
but the only place it flew was into the oven.
Making turkey is high-maintenance. In the pantheon of cookery, it's up there with sausage making or apple pies from scratch. Ya gotta HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON to make a turkey from scratch when you could just get a few turkey pieces and roast those.
My motto is: let someone else do it.
The turkey was a grand success, was extraordinarily delicious,
but I'll never (fowl language) do it again.
That's a fine looking bird!
ReplyDeleteI've made a turkey every Xmas for the past six years (family gathering). The first year it was a huge production; I spend days determining the recipe, had enormous checklists and timelines, many elaborate side dishes, etc. By the time it was over I was ready to collapse.
Every year since it gets easier and easier, partly through repetition but also because I abandon the complicated parts. Now I basically thaw the bird, brine it (or not, depends), and roast it. I make a huge pile of mashed potatoes, a big jug of classic gravy, and one or two simple side dishes.
Ya know what? People are just as happy. After all, a family gathering is more about the people and the event than about the specifics of what's on the plate.
But that's Xmas. If I were to randomly roast a turkey in the off-season I'd probably be inclined to get more elaborate, at least with the sides and the sauce. But I find the basic art of roasting a turkey isn't significantly enhanced by all the elaborate hoops that people like to jump through. The law of diminishing returns rules that game!
What I used to do was just get two vast bone-in, skin-on turkey breasts and basically do the same thing as with the whole turkey.
ReplyDeleteTo tell the truth, I was quite disappointed in the actual amount of edible product that came off the whole turkey. For all that effort, I expect mountains of edible product.
Side dishes, no problem -- I'd rather someone else do the turkey (an expert, mind you -- so many things can go wrong -- ) and I'd do all the side dishes.
And I'd imagine that if I were to do one every year it would get easier, but . . . sadly . . . I think this is the last time I will be making a whole turkey.
Maybe I'll just show up at your house this Christmas.
Wow, that uncooked turkey with the rosemary sticking out of it looks like the fowl equivalent of St. Sebastian.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how, but my sister makes a very tasty, moist turkey every T-day. I've never made one.
It looks beautiful, though! I put a whole bunch of effort into a pumpkin cheesecake sunday that didn't turn out pretty, was too sweet and gave me a stomacheache! Wah!
ReplyDeleteI HATE cooking turkey, but yours looks FANTASTIC.
ReplyDeleteWait, are you sure that's turkey? Two of my chickens disappeared last week and you are the prime suspect...
Hmm . . . who's missing? Frankie, Spanky or Hankie? Hors or D'Oueuvre?
ReplyDeleteWhoever they were, they were delicious.
And they was mighty plump chickens.