I Enjoy . . .

. . . hassling the morons on craigslist. Why? It's the way I met Brigitte. Just out of curiosity I (very) occasionally go to the "Men seeking women" section just to view the morons and about a year ago I did, just on a whim. And I wrote a diatribe post (you know by now that Diatribe and I are the best of friends!) about the moronic idiots who kept saying things like "Your pic gets mine" or "Discrete encounter with attached man" and Brigitte actually responded with a "Bravo!" and that's how we met.

But from time to time, I go back, and I SO enjoy responding to some of these ads with the most cutting, diatribal wit at my disposal.

It's like seeing the seething underbelly of humanity; really, it is. Sewer rats, so many of them. Of course, some are earnest and honest, but after a while "Long walks and conversations by the fire" tends to get really, really old. Then there's the opposite swing of the pendulum and they try to be as outrageous as they can.

I think, Dudes, it'll never work. We know you're a desperate male in search of a mate and your social skills have proven ineffectual so far, so now you're going to classified ads. Well, here's Classified Ads 101: DON'T offer to show a picture of your penis. We already know what penises look like. DON'T say "long walks, good conversation and good food."

Christ, what part of "Sitting on a couch drinking beer and watching the game with Wings of Fire" don't you understand? Because that's what you really want.

WE ALL WANT THAT magical Kingdom in Heaven, the long walks, the earnest conversations. IT'S STATING THE OBVIOUS.

For fuck's sake, can't you come up with something more original than that? Like "Sultan of Brunei seeks Wife, Any White Woman Acceptable?" (Posted by me).

Anyway, like I said, I like fucking with these people.