Entangled

I don’t quite know what to make of the universe. Like everyone else, I question practically everything. Is a spider bad enough that I should crush it? Or will that affect my karma in some way? What is karma? Did something I did three weeks ago put me in line behind this Cosmic Granny who’s counting out her purchase penny by penny as the bagger leaves in disgust and the cash register guy comes along to get a tally on what the big bills are for the hour, bill by bill, while all the other registers zip by? Was it THAT SOMETHING I SAID that provoked this karma, whatever that is?

I’ve come to only one conclusion, which no doubt all of you have as well. There is nothing that actually exists that is not within your immediate perception. Which is to say, if you can’t see it NOW, it actually doesn’t exist. If you can’t hear it, can’t feel it, can’t perceive it, it doesn’t exist. So, while I sit on a toilet in some bathroom reading some newspaper, the actual fact is that France, the entire country, and everyone — every THING — in it — doesn’t exist. Oh sure, Jacques Chirac exists, but ONLY IN YOUR MIND. Does Jacques Chirac exist as a tangible thing? No. Is he standing in your bathroom? No. Then how can he exist? See? It’s only you’re imagining that he exists. The reality is that the four walls of this bathroom, the newpaper you hold in your hand and the drip of the tap exist.

Face it. At ANY GIVEN TIME, those are the only things that you can absolutely be sure exist! Everything else, and I mean everything — the economy, Pluto, the pyramids, all recorded history, Paris Hilton — they don’t really exist unless they’re all standing in the bathroom right in front of your very own eyes, right now, as you sit on the toilet! What EXISTS is only the craven “evidence” of your own imagination. That someone named Paris Hilton is no longer wowing the tabloids. Well, think about it: in a court of law, wouldn’t that be hearsay? Is Paris Hilton, the person, standing in your bathroom with tabloids being wowed right in front of your very eyes?

I thought not. Then, you must admit, the overwhelming evidence is that Paris Hilton, tabloids, and every single iota of everything outside your bathroom DOES NOT, IN FACT, EXIST. Oh, sure, you say, well, I know the hotel room I’m staying in exists. If I just get up, flush the toilet and leave this bathroom, I’ll be in it. It’s there — I just can’t see it right now. Well, guess what: outside the bathroom, right now, is a grey blob of nothingness. Acre upon acre, mile upon mile, parsec upon parsec, of nothingness. Oh sure, you’ll get up off the toilet, walk into the hotel room, even take a picture of it — but then the bathroom doesn’t exist. See?

The old saw of “if a tree falls in the forest” is not a myth. Milli Vannilli — did they exist? It’s debatable. I’m reading this, but are you? Guess what — even though I don’t know who you are, I know you’re reading this right now. Does that mean I’m psychic? Okay, so how do I know that you’re reading this? Yet I do! Go ahead, admit you’re reading this and that I knew you would be! I guess that makes me The Amazing Kreskin by default.

We're entangled, you and I RIGHT NOW, and through a COMPLETE LACK OF CHOICE.

Even if you stop reading after this period: . then the MEMORY of having read all this will be in your brain, the REALITY of having read all this WILL EXIST; but only for YOU, not for someone else.

You could swear up, down, sideways and backwards that you have just proceeded to read everything you have just read -- Hell, you can even memorize it word for word, but is it really PROOF that these words exist to someone who has not yet seen them? You can argue in a court of the highest law imaginable that you have READ EVERY WORD HERE but if you can't actually show the judge and jury these here words -- and who can prove YOU DIDN'T WRITE THEM AFTER THE FACT TO PROVE YOUR POINT?

As far as the universe goes, only YOU and now _I_ know that you have read these words. We are now ENTANGLED in a fashion that ONLY INVOLVES US; I, knowing that, having read this far, you have more than with 90% probability read EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN, and YOU, knowing that these words did, in fact exist, BECAUSE YOU READ THEM YOURSELF.

So, like it or not, you and I are now permanently entangled. I can NOT BE a figment of your imagination, like Jacques Chirac, or Paris Hilton, whom you have NEVER PERSONALLY SEEN.

Thus, you can just put me into your drawer entitled "Theory: PROVED BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT."

Welcome to my entangled world.