The Microwave

Ever since I witnessed my first microwave oven, probably in or around 1978, I've had a dubious romance with them. Back then, of course, the sheer novelty of just having one was like having Frank Sinatra sing in person in your living room.

Now, it's more like a kitchen tool, like a blender. But just think of what you would have to do without a microwave! It really does come in at the top of my list of "most useful inventions by humanity," right up there with electricity and the light bulb.

But, like everything, the raw talent isn't enough. You have to parse it. But first, you have to understand it. Did you know, for example, that there is no "medium" with a microwave oven? A microwave oven can not do anything except deliver bursts on maximum. That's the nature of microwaves. "Medium" is merely less bursts of maximum x time frame.

Did you know that an ant can escape being microwaved to death? Yes. There are things called standing waves and if the ant just manages to stay between them, it will come out completely unscathed.

But what interests me most is just how to reheat food to its maximum potential. Obviously, microwaving anything with dough in it is going to end up a rubbery mess . . . unless you know what you're doing! In fact, using the microwave properly is a somehwat arcane art, much like using a good kitchen knife. In the right hands, a microwave can be a seriously handy kitchen tool. In the wrong hands, it can be Dinner Disaster.

The decision whether to reheat in the toaster oven or the microwave can make or break dinner. And we don't want to break dinner.

I think it's time that any serious cook come to an understanding with the microwave, much as we have with our toasters and nonstick frypans, and in the light of this understanding, stop massacring our food due to a total misunderstanding of the science.

I know that now, my reheated Chinese leftovers never suffer, because I have a good relationship with my microwave. And you should, too.