Friday, September 17, 2010

Things That Piss Me Off

Oh, there aren't many, flock! Not so many. But the things that do ROYALLY piss me off.

Case A: you buy home theater. Nice home theater! Sound good home theater. Plasma wall-mounted HDMI 1080p TV! Amazing stereo sound system! 6 speakers, subwoofer, two DVD players, one a combo VHS!

But all of a sudden you now have five remote controls. Fucking five little plastic fuckers you have to have around at all times, usually lost in the middle of the quilt.

Case B: DVD makers. These fuckers have it in for you, they really do. I know, because I've made many a cinematic DVD from scratch.

See, the deal is, you turn on Home Theater, switch to DVD mode, see opening images, and there's no sound. You have no idea whether there's no sound because the remote is on the wrong setting, or there's no sound on the title sequence of the DVD.

So you click and click and all of a sudden there is a BLAST of sound because all their title sequences were completely silent and you've turned all the remotes to maximum.

THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW THIS IN ADVANCE. So your significant other comes in, shaking, saying "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT????" when you happen to turn on Saving Private Ryan.

Why do DVD makers do this? Is it a perverse wish to encourage divorce?

Case D: (I skipped Case C because it's too annoying even to mention and because I know you're reading this at work and your boss is "hovering.")

The horrendous perversity of making things black. Yes, black. So, in the deepening dusk of your happy bedroom, you can't read a SINGLE FUCKING BUTTON on your remote control.

So that when you go in the back of your $4,500 sound system you can't read a SINGLE FUCKING THING on the all-black jack inputs. The perversity of this is almost too much to mention; it's like cockfighting or watching beheading videos on YouTube.

My simple question to all these things is

"Why?"

"Why?"
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????"

No comments:

Post a Comment