Number one, I have a pathetic appetite at the best of times. Put a burger in front of me and I'll be MAYBE able to finish half, even if it's the best burger in town. I have to take an anti-depressant pill 40 minutes before dinner called Buspar, because for me, it has a side-effect that makes me hungry. How pathetic can that be for a "food critic?"
I rarely eat lunch. I never eat breakfast, unless it's at five a.m. I have no idea why, but five a.m. is when I get the hungriest.
I can't cook if I'm not hungry, or at least, not full. I have no interest in cooking if I have a full stomach, at all. The few times I've done it, I just went through the motions. The results were not good.
I taste too much. So when the actual deed is done, I'm so sick of tasting and looking at it and smelling it that I just want to be anywhere else. This is frequently after hours and hours of planning, cooking, tasting and preparing.
This is why a dinner of charcuterie is great. There is no cooking or tasting, nothing hot, only cold and I don't get full before I even start eating.
Brigitte sometimes ridicules me (in a kind way) for ridiculing HER portion sizes. She's right. She eats normally and I eat weirdly. I've been like that since I was very young . . . come home after junior college and band practice, everyone is asleep, there is no dinner, I haven't eaten a thing all day and I still say "Fuck it" and go to bed in my clothes without even a chip.
So I try to make up for it by loving and thinking about food, all day, every day.
Life is very, very weird.
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