The Dep

The guy I met in the dep. It's a typical Nick scene. I go to pay for my beer. The guy's sitting with his laptop at the table near the window. I'm kind of greasy, with a hangover face and sunglasses. I make some stupid remark to Joseph, the owner behind the counter. You know, the typical Nick-shit remark. I just want to get home and drink a beer.

Then Dude actually gets out of his chair. Young guy, maybe 33-34. "Are you an actor?" he says. Well, natch, that gets my attention. I say "Why, are you?"

He looks me up and down, kind of, and I can see his tiny brain processing. "Hmm. Nice Jacket. Buying beer at 11 a.m. Greasy hair. Sunglasses. Kind of loud. Staggering a little bit."

"Gotta be an actor."

So we get into a conversation. As soon as I realise he's a human being, and not some goddamn Montreal zombie, I go into "Alert" Mode. "Who do you want me to be?" I ask, and he says, "Well, I kind of liked Robert de Niro in Raging Bull." I say, "How about Bobby in Mean Streets?"

Now I've got his attention. "Yeah, do Bobby in Mean Streets."

Not knowing Mean Streets, I switch to Goodfellas, the Tommy shoeshine box thing that I do, but his ears light up like a box of candles on Hanukkah.

"Okay Tommy," I say, "now go home and get your shine box."

The guy reels! He's really impressed! I bask in the acclaim. I think twice about doing my Three Stooges routine. That might be pushing it.

Anyway, I thought I would share that part of my day with you.