The Life of an Atom

Do atoms have lives? Think about it. They're pretty small, but so are crawfish. Are you going to deny that crawfish have lives?

So if they do, what are they like? Well, to start with, atoms have busy lives. Just consider this: ATOMS NEVER DIE. They just get another job. "Okay, I was a schlep in the body of a raccoon until he died, then I became a schlep in the body of a maggot. What a goddamn existence. Whatever happened to the stuff of stars, anyway?"

But just because they're so small doesn't mean they can't have a family life. Just because we're big, does that mean that only we can work, wake up, have lunch, get bored and wonder what's on TV?

No. Atoms have lives. They're just a bit too tiny for us to understand. And that's the way they want it. After all, they're making me type this.

So how does it go, the atomic day? "Aww, honey, not again. I just woke up. Do I have to split yet again? I'll make us an omelette. Just let me go back to spin."

"Baby, honey, you spun, like, fourteen trillion times last night. You're really going to have to learn to go to bed earlier."

"I'm so sorry, honey. Hey, whaddya say, a little makeup . . ."

"Not today dear, I'm not feeling so good. I think I lost a neutron."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, dear, I'm . . . positive."