. . . one more person. My father died last night. I never thought I'd be writing these words, but I am. It's really hard to process, but I guess I'm doing it, for now.
It wasn't how I imagined it; the stroke or the heart attack. No, just a month-long decline, getting weaker and weaker. He smoked until he died, and let's hope he had his scotches till his final moment. No pain, no discernable illness, just death at the age of 87. A long ride. A good ride, with family who loved him, with no major interruptions, with no major traumas, excepting World War II.
I have to go see a doctor today. I don't feel like it, but I need some blood test results and doctors are hard to come by these days.
I wonder when I'm going to break down?
Sorry for your loss, Nick. 87 is a good long ride. Here's hoping you do as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Blork. Not sure how I'll do personally but I know he left me at least half his jeans. They might be a bit tight on me, but . . .
ReplyDeleteI, too, am sorry to hear about your father. I hope it was a great ride for him, the roller-coaster of 87 years of life. You are in my thoughts today.
ReplyDeleteErica,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It seems to be okay. Maybe because I've been rehearsing this day in my mind for so long . . . it's almost an anticlimax. A total lack of drama, not like how I rehearsed it. No ambulances, no doctors, no nothing.
So I just hope it's the way I go, and everyone else, for that matter.
It'll be okay. I've always thought about what to say to someone who's lost a loved one, but you guys have said it the best ways possible. Which is only what I expected!
Thanks, Erica. Add yourself to my "most-loved" list straightaway.
I'm so sorry...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Susan. I've been thinking about this for a very long time -- like, twenty years -- but I was practically grinding my teeth as to how I'd end up reacting.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, I just decided: It's okay. Easy to say, hard to do. I swear it's like a rehearsal . . . but for a play that has no script, no director and no stagehands. Ya just don't know what's going to transpire.
But it's okay. I always like to turn things into cartoon terms. He's in MartiniWorld. Jeopardy is running 24/7. The next 7 is Wheel Of Fortune. The stock market is always up. It's what I would want . . .
Thank you so much, Susan . . . I hope your dad is doing okay and if he isn't, well, ya know whom to turn to.
I'm a certified expert now.
I'm really sorry to hear that, Nick. My mother died ten years ago and although she's gone, she will always live on in my memories as your dad will in yours.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Techman, thanks so much. It's more WEIRD than real . . . I guess it's because I somehow childishly thought that my parents would always be there, because they always were. I swear I wake up and say to myself, "Oh, he's still dead."
ReplyDeleteSo that's about my level of coping! Pathetic, I know. Denial is not a river. Jeez, Louise, though, selfishness is at the root. How am _I_ going to get through this? It really is very selfish. But all the doubts come rushing back, all the imagined slights, all the words unsaid, all the deeds left undone.
I guess it's that way for everyone. I guess I've just been drafted into the class of "Death of a Parent For Dummies." I'd better get back to studying.
Thank you so much, Techman. I hope you graduated at the top of your class.