Dolfy

I was getting around to a huge rant about who won the war, the Japanese or the Germans, but it was too huge, even for me. I'll feed it to you in bits and pieces instead. You know you like it better that way -- appetizers, if you will, while you're strolling around sipping sauvignon blanc and looking at the paintings before the Main Event.


Now what was I going to say . . . oh yes! Adolf Hitler, a man of many of my blog posts. But he was so much maligned . . . the history books are just not fair! "Liar," you scream, and you're right to do so. Because the truth about Dolfy, as I know him, is far from what what the history books say.


Dolfy was actually quite a good guy! How do I know? Because my great-aunt's half-brother's ex wife's grandfather's best friend was a witness to Dolfy's "good" side. He wasn't there himself, mind you, but he heard these things from his uncle's landlord's youngest sister's grandfather, who was a personal friend of Dolphy's chauffeur's Alsatian's veterinarian's younger sister's boyfriend's father, who was the personal assistant to Goebbel's sister's architect's nephew. But it wasn't the nephew's testimony alone that convinces me. For that I had to go to Klaus Fuchs, who was Dolphy's personal comedian. His source was  Ernst Zummer, beloved manicurist to "der kleine Fuerher" ("the tiny leader")'s childhood friend.


Dolphy enjoyed a good laugh! When informed of the Warsaw Uprising, comedian Ernst slyly says, "You know, Fuerher, that reminds me of a story:


"A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop. 

"On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

"One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

"Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

"Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.

"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

"Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

"They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

"The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Hitler had a great belly laugh out of that one. Isn't that a great story? I guess you had to have been there.