Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Real Food Nazis

I don't know if any of you ever go to the two "most popular" "foodie sites" on the Internet, but I cruise by from time to time.

Have you ever wandered to some "discussion group" (people, it's called a FORUM) to just post some question that's relevant to you, and, not having read the tome of forum rules thoroughly enough, garnered the wrath of the forum moderators, or even the "regulars" themselves? I know you have.

Basically, who do these self-appointed Nazis think they are? CNN pretty much leaves you alone with comments to their stories (though they "moderate" naughty words) but sites like Chowhound and eGullet are positive strutting tinsel-chested Mussolinis when it comes to moderating posts. On Chowhound, you can't mention the hygiene levels of a restaurant. Whaaa . . . .? You can't trash a restaurant you don't like. "Let's keep it positive, people!" is their mantra. What is this, Group Therapy? EST? Scientology?

eGullet actually requires you to write an "essay" describing why you want to become a member.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE EFFETE, PUCKER-BOUND STOOGE-LIKE MOUNTAIN TROLLS that they just seem to sit around, day in, day out, for no pay, and "monitor the boards" and "delete" or "move" posts or threads as they see fit, JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN.

eGullet is possibly worse (though I hardly ever go there any more) -- they style themselves "A website of culinary arts and letters." What? Did I read that right? You pretentious, tight-assed, Ivy-league upper-class twits! What the fuck is a "culinary letter?" Huh? What, did Barbara Fairchild run into you one day at Daniel and like your pimple-scarred face so much she wrote you a note to take a shower "sometime soon?"

The level of pretension of foodies is almost painful to witness, and the Internet helping these microcephalic suppository-gobbling imitations of hydrogen-based life is one of the most regrettable developments of the Industrial age.

But don't just take my word for it. Gaze in wanton disbelief at these sites so bad I sometimes think they're actually run by The Onion.

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