Wednesday, April 27, 2011

When Good News Goes Bad

I like to watch the news, but sometimes I don't know if there is truly anyone on earth who knows the difference between news and the gibbering from a chimpanzee contemplating a rain shower.

Tonight's thirty-minute local Montreal news was roughly divided into three segments, all three skirting the boundaries of what can conceivably be called news: ten minutes on the Canadian elections, which is like watching a video on how to glue rafter boards to L-joints; ten minutes on the Canadiens hockey game, including descriptions of what fans do superstition-wise, like making a peanut butter sandwich before every game, which in turn is like counting the mosaic tiles on the roof above your dentist's chair while you get a cleaning, and ten minutes on The Royal Wedding, which is like watching a dog across the street sniffing the bases of various trees.

I think humanity has finally run out of viable options.

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