Chapter Two, Part Two

I figure a chapter can't just be three paragraphs long. Well, it could be, and I've seen people do it, but this is MY book and I say a chapter can't be just three paragraphs long.

Now: to go on with my theme of who would actually read a book that had no central premise (well, that was sort of my theme. You can argue that it wasn't really a theme, just a hint of a theme, but since this is MY book, I'm allowed to call it anything I want!)

You have to define what is boring. Like, my English teacher always taught us that lists are boring. So, making long lists of things will not keep people's attentions. Like maybe things I took on a vacation:

Socks, black and white
Several pairs of underpants
Some T-shirts for laying around the hotel room
A dress shirt for going out
Casual shoes
Dress shoes
An Iron Cross with Oak-leaf Clusters
Psoriasis cream
Two packs of peanut M&Ms
Lonely Planet's Smart Guide to Packing Your Bag

See? There's a reason why people shouldn't write lists in their books. Because it's BO-RING.

Also, another thing that should be in books are interesting sentences. What are interesting sentences? Ones that grab the reader's imaginations immediately. Things like "When my oxygen-valve needle finally clicked over the zero KrungTep pulled his mask off and put it over my nose and mouth. He looked like he was at the end of his rope but so was I and I couldn't lift a finger to protest his suicidal action."

See how that sentence is interesting? It ends up with you wanting to know MORE. Tell you what, you're the reader and I can write anything you'd like to read, so would you like the whole book to be like that? See, unfortunately I don't have a clue who Krung-tep is or where we are and why I'm running out of oxygen -- I'd have to come up with a story for all that. Could be a project but it sounds like a whole lot of WORK, too! And what if even after a whole bunch of sentences like that one you got bored and said "This book is BO-RING." See, I'd have to know in advance that you'd like the book if I was going to work so hard on it. Right? I mean, doesn't that make a whole lot of sense?

Here's my advice to you: get some pot and get stoned and then just read everything I've just written. I swear you'll be on the floor choking with laughter.

I guess that's enough for Chapter Two. Anyone up for Chapter Three?